Living in "Carol Land"

Yesterday was an ok day; went to Busch Gardens with my hubby, and had a pretty good day.  I was VERY scatter-brained, though.  I couldn't remember from one minute to the next, and I couldn't concentrate.  I did the same thing 4 times because I couldn't focus long enough to catch myself before I made the SAME mistake 3 times so I had to start over again! OMGosh!!  Other than that, though, pretty good day.

Today, on the other hand...TOTAL screwy day.  Why do I so often wake up in the morning feeling like I'm on drugs?  I totally shouldn't be allowed to do anything, talk to anybody, or make any decisions until I've been awake for like 3 hours.  I don't know why I wake up so out of it.  I could understand it if I still drank or was doing drugs or something, but I don't.  I hate that my kids are, and always have been, more responsible for getting up in the morning that I ever have been.  Seriously, I often don't even remember turning off the alarm clock most times.  This is why I'm grateful for the job I have, so I don't have to rely on an alarm clock to get up for work.

Anyway, (big shocker) I got off track...I woke up this morning, just not wanting to work today.  I actually got up almost 3 hours before work, but I just decided to give away my shift today.  I have been so stressed about money (rather, the lack thereof) and the holidays coming up, and not having paid my car payment...I just had to take time off to figure out our bill situation.  Do you THINK that's what I did all day?  NO!  I spend most of the day reading my e-mails and 'window' shopping the sales coming up on Black Friday.  What the hell is wrong with me? 

I finally did get it together and figure it out, but then I spent hours looking at cruises and planning vacations for next year...seriously, I feel like I have totally lost touch with reality sometimes.  Then I feel so retarded, and embarrassed that I am such a lunatic, then I just want to crawl under a rock..then I start thinking what is the point of it all anyway?  I don't want to kill myself or anything, but so often I just really wish I could fade into the woodwork and disappear...and I HATE feeling this way...I just want to be normal...